We’ve all been there – the internal monologue saying one thing, but the words that come out of our mouths saying another. This is often referred to as ‘brain versus mouth’. This common phenomenon occurs when our thoughts are not translated correctly into speech, resulting in words being spoken that we often later regret.
Nightlife consists largely of people socialising. And somehow it gets extra unhinged the second someone thinks “strip club” equals “all rules deleted.” Spoiler: it doesn’t.
Try here instead: https://fucka.co.il/en/
That link will take you to a beautiful but quite boring Israeli news website, but we’ll be having some fun with the ‘net’s dark side, as usual.
Let’s wait till the dust settles before doing anything. I’ll bookmark it for now and look at it in a couple of days.
So. Scene.
Tel Aviv, Israel – Hotel David. From the hotel’s upper level balcony the view is of the city and the sea. As the day slipped into evening it was clear that night was coming quickly. We’re all sun-kissed and sticky from the suncream, the sea air has its salty effect and my two friends and I are lying on the sand topless, attempting to look relaxed despite the fact that we are not.
We’re all going through the motions, aware of what’s not being said.
The Hamburg archivist, a German, sits quietly beside me; his calmness is reminiscent of a filing cabinet. She has a tendency to categorise the noise straight away. With a nod and a small sip of her iced drink, she signified her approval.
The Japanese robotics expert from Nagoya sits opposite us, eyes fixed on his phone as he sends a text message instead of speaking, despite the fact that he is no more than three metres away. His cheeks flush at the sunlight, or at us – it’s hard to tell. He keeps adjusting his towel as if it came with a user guide.
And the French Sorbonne philology PhD? She’s someone who is both herself and a force of nature in her thoughts. She has a knack for proof reading. Her phone’s notes app is open with numerous corrections. She has a habit of correcting other people’s grammar and spelling like some people naturally blink.
Am I ruining it by saying it directly?
People around you seem to be doing it. You frequently see this kind of activity occurring.
A solitary glittering shoe lay on the balcony railing. Just one. No pair. No story. It’s there like a warning. It’s not a thing I would ever consider.
I stared at the dancer, a beautiful young woman with an impressive set of moves, and asked her “So, like,” I said, immediately regretting the use of “like,” “why do people ask the most insane questions in strip clubs?”
The archivist stated matter-of-factly, ‘Because the environment influences them.’ This is a typical repeating pattern. I noticed that same phenomenon back in 2007.
His smile froze on his face as Sophie’s voice cut through the evening air. “I said what?” he asked, pretending not to know what she was talking about. But she just raised an eyebrow and looked at him calmly. “Insane,” she repeated. The text seems to be poorly expressed; reword it. You’ve come very close.
“People have no operating instructions,” the engineer said with a nod, and turned his screen towards us.
“Ahem” he said, clearing his throat. The trouble with humans is that they don’t come with an instruction manual.
People are beginning to see what is happening. When discussing another person it’s often safer to say ‘he’ or ‘she’ instead of ‘I’. This is because saying ‘I’ makes one feel vulnerable.
We have the habit of avoiding one another, you and I.
The archivist is a lesbian in a long-term relationship, the engineer is straight and his relationship develops slowly, the girl from France is pansexual and has a severe allergy to being in a cage. Here is the rephrased text:
They don’t have a name tag that indicates they are such. The dance of intimacy is observed in the way people angle their bodies, retreat, laugh, tense up, then ease in again.
Now, the “absurd questions” part. These are genuine stories set to music which have been tidied up enough to avoid being gruesome but still have a distinct atmosphere that you will be familiar with.
The “absurd questions” people ask (and why their brains do it)
First one: the FAQ energy question.
You want me to rephrase the following passage:
“Please speak naturally as you would on the phone. The kind that sounds like someone thinks this club is a customer support chat is not the kind of voice we are looking for.”
What do you want to say to me? Can you like fall in love with me tonight?
Not romantic. Not cute. Just… desperate.
When this happens, the body’s physiological reactions are taking place at the same time; the mental process is occurring simultaneously.
In an emotionally charged environment, your body’s stress mechanism is triggered. Flash of lights, a musical beat, attention grabs, socially wrong. You are experiencing increased heartbeats and heightened physiological responses. Living in that state makes your brain sluggish. You mistakenly took arousal to be a sign of attachment. This intense arousal can sometimes be mistaken for romantic love by the brain, resulting in misattribution of arousal. The body may react strongly, but the mind interprets these sensations as being love.
Stripped of any genuine human bonding, these clubs create a peculiar interplay of closeness and distance. With intense relationships, it is expected that there be less casual interactions. Conversations will be straightforward and to the point.
They pose a question which is attempting to jump over all the feelings one would normally experience in a relationship and get to the point where one is supposed to be at some future point.
The internet provides a unique form of instant access to information about people.
Yeah. No.
The archivist tilts her head, like she’s filing this under Human Folly, Vol. 12.
‘System is half of life,’ she says softly.
Life is greatly enhanced by the discipline of sequence.
Here the sentence is rewritten in a more conversational tone: “You know, if you try to bypass these steps you often end up with a lot of mistakes.”
It is what we are doing here, and I despise her for saying it. Just… with better sunscreen.
Second absurd question type: the rule-lawyer question.
Each level of classification has a different set of criteria. Class A substances have the most severe penalties. These are considered harmful to health with no conditions attached. Like… what’s allowed, what’s not allowed, what’s the loophole?”
Fright, clad in the disguise of ordinary life.
Your brain hates uncertainty. When we are anxious, we instinctively try to find a pattern to cling to. When you’re feeling anxious and aroused you need a sex checklist and a sex map to help you navigate through your sexual desires. Your body says “go,” your brain says “danger,” and your mouth says “so… what’s the policy?”
The reduction of uncertainty that is occurring here is in line with uncertainty reduction theory. When we try to make sense of the way we interact with others, our mind may reduce this to the workings of a machine.
He nodded as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, the look on his face almost one of relief as he said “at last, logic”.
“I say sumimasen, people always want the output to be predictable.”
She snorted in disgust, ” “It isn’t a vending machine,” she said.
He shrugged, a tiny movement. “I know it’s not, but people act like it is.”
You know what makes it worse? Alcohol.
The presence of alcohol allows the true personality to shine through by relaxing inhibitions. This happens because the instant gratification reinforces the behaviour, making it easier to repeat, whilst the delayed benefits don’t have much impact at first. As a result people get so focused on the immediate reward that the long-term outcome is hardly noted. People often ask each other things at a weekend brunch that would never be asked at a traditional Sunday brunch.
Third absurd question type: the main-character fantasy question.
Do you recall meeting me previously? Even in a huge crowd of 400 people, you still stood out.
This isn’t always ego. Sometimes it’s loneliness.
It is a universal human desire to be noticed. It is affirmation you exist that makes you memorable. In clubs where a lot of attention is part of the rewards you get, your thoughts may become confused as to what is truly about you and what is just about the image you present.
They are professionals who know how to get attention. That’s the job.
The customer wants this project to have a unique feel to it as ‘unique’ tends to be perceived as safer than advertising itself. It’s a lovely experience to be able to let go, for a little while, and just feel.
Sitting out on the terrace my French friend suddenly sat bolt upright as if arguing with thin air.
She told him to stop referring to their relationship as ‘transactional’. The writer’s presence in the narrative was a tacit one; it was simply there.
“Right,” I said, “a negotiated presence. He was quite warm, I have to admit.
“Just because some people call themselves Christians doesn’t mean that they’re Christian,” she said.
She did that.
Chaotic Q&A (because your brain is asking anyway)
Q: “Is it weird to ask a dancer if she’s into you?”
A: That’s not the metric. Consent and boundaries are. You’re already going off the rails if you’re trying to guilt trip someone into telling you they love you, or feel some other way about you. This is because guilt trips don’t work, and they often make the other person feel uncomfortable or even angry.
Q: “But what if it’s a ‘real connection’?”
A: One can be professional in their attitude and approach in an unrealistic context. There are two truths. Whatever your heart is feeling, you have to remember that the environment doesn’t change.
How can I help you with that question?
A: Be concise and clear in your questions, show consideration to the other person, pay attention to non-verbal signals from them and lastly do not grill them with a series of questions. It’s generally not well received when people are told what to do.
Q: “Why do people ask ‘Can I take you home’ like it’s casual?”
They are avoiding saying “I want you” as they fear rejection in such a public place.
The tension between the two characters is palpable; it is a deliberate aspect of the plot. But tension isn’t permission. That’s the whole line. That’s the whole thing.
You’ve had a chance to ask me questions and get answers, now it’s my turn to ask you questions and see if you can answer them.
As we’re looking at other people’s queries, we’re essentially doing the same ourselves. Just with prettier words.
The engineer’s eyes snapped to his phone, which was held in front of him like a barrier.
He said “No, no what?” very quickly.
I said nothing at all.
The archivist’s hands moved without his eyes leaving their desk-level position. “This was a preemptive defence response,” he said.
His voice is little more than a whisper as he says “Stop cataloging me”.
She isn’t compiling a list she says. You’re watching.
She laughed at this a little and said, “What do you want to talk about ?” You’re a walking encyclopedia of numbers and facts; figures and statistics seem to dance through your mind.
She says ‘thank you’ like it’s a compliment.
The woman is quite a strong personality, isn’t she? I’ve never seen her like that before.
Are pigeons able to differentiate one human being from another? When I’m feeling anxious my brain doesn’t stop talking to me.
Original words: 5
Rephrased words: 5
Changed: no
She nodded immediately “Yes” They definitely think less of you.
They are supremely adapted for the purpose of survival. As such, they have been incredibly resilient for millions of years, able to survive in even the most urbanised of environments.
They also possess territorial memory, the archivist noted. Like me.”
They frequently state that my question about pigeons seemed pointless or inexplicable. The sea air has such a strange effect on me, it really does. The sea breeze has such a strange effect on my brain.
“Almost 3” situations / mistakes / rules (not neat, sorry)
In a sexualised environment, where people are attempting to seduce one another, a repeated inquiry concerning whether one’s advances are being appreciated may be taken as a form of seeking reassurance.
If your self-worth is being dictated by someone else’s performance then you’re looking outside of yourself for happiness.
Rule: If your question is secretly “please make me feel chosen,” pause.
You use a performer like you would use a search engine.
Who is your real name? The questioners don’t seem to think that such questions are intrusive; they believe other people ought to be happy to answer them. That’s not curiosity, that’s entitlement. It is as if they feel they have a right to know such things about you.
Everyone needs to find the solution to the puzzle of privacy.
Situation 3: You try to negotiate reality into your fantasy.
Mistake: You assume intensity equals intimacy.
Rule: Intensity is just intensity. This is a condition you’re in, not something you agree to.
Life doesn’t respect your neatly ordered checklists either.
Social outcasts are often so awkward and lonely that they can start to see trivialities as having much deeper significance, making them ask weird questions. The boundaries of risk and reward are often blurred. However, pushing them can have consequences that are felt. It is not always beneficial to encourage such actions.
Quick take (yeah, in English)
In the most unexpected way, the nightlife environment has the effect of being a catalyst for people being honest with one another. When the lights dim, voices in one’s head suddenly rise in volume and a person starts to wonder if the thing that has come into their mind is the best course of action. The atmosphere isn’t ruined by respect. The atmosphere is just right.
After we spent some time in the garden, let’s return to the patio.
Stepping a little closer, her face takes on an intent expression, much like someone about to correct their breathing. With a slight movement of her lips, the archivist displays a faint, ironic smile.
The engineer at last started speaking instead of simply typing away.
He says a lot of people ask extremely silly questions as they are uncertain about how to ask for a closer relationship. The focus is merely on what they want, not on how to bring it about.
The team is quite talented.
He nodded once, ‘We have the entire records of their project.’ A repeating pattern.”
You are probably sitting there thinking that this must be happening to others, not to you. People often circle something they want, joke about things, think them over, and instead of asking a straightforward question, ask something a bit offbeat.
What exactly is it that you’re looking for in a college?
Do you feel brave when you want something? Do you conceal yourself behind questions that are humorous?
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It is now evening and the sun is essentially out of sight from the location. The air is slightly cooler, however. Along the railing, the glittery shoe sat like a small, evil trophy.
No direct statement has yet been made by anyone.
We’ve made significant progress towards a solution and are now closer to finding a resolution than we were previously.
It wasn’t because a theory had been solved.
The group made a deliberate decision to tell the truth by stating that the questions they asked were really assertions. It was to avoid the pretence that there could be honest answers to those questions.
You’re going to reword this same text, aren’t you?
